Things that Jesus Wants Me for, Other than a Sunbeam:

1. A gust of wind
   
2. Acid rain
   
3. Insect repellant
   
4. A Publicist
   
5. The Police CD that he lost when he moved to a different apartment
   
6. Person capable of synching his iPod, blackberry and palm pilot all with his digital music library and outlook express without corrupting his files or crashing the computer
   
7. A UVA/UVB sun block to protect him from skin cancer because everyone else chose to become the aforementioned sunbeam